Chorus:

We’re all at Grandma’s funeral
It’s the party of the year
We’ve hired the Co-op ceilidh band
And filled the place with beer
There’s food and music, drink and song
You’ll find no sorrow here
So raise a glass to Grandma now
And give her one last cheer

1

She knew her time was coming
That the end was coming soon
So it really came as no surprise
When she snuffed it in Dunoon
So we put her in a great big hole
And filled it up with soil
We all then went back to Grandpa’s placePut the kettle on to boil

2

Well Grandpa says a word or two
And then says three or four
He stops for a breath from time to time
And then goes on some more
And two or three hours later
He says I won’t be long
But just before I finish
I’ll sing for you a song

3

There’s aunties, uncles, cats and dugs
And children by the score
There’s nieces, nephews, cousins, friends
And the family from next door
The kids are eating cakes and buns
And quiche and sausage rolls
And Match Of The Day’s on the big TV
But no-one knows the score

4

Although she’s six feet under
We all love Grandma still
‘Cause we’re spending all her money
Which she left us in her will
So there’s no-one quite like Grandma
Though she lies below the ground
We’ll think on her most kindly
As we’re spending every pound

5

Now the party’s nearly over
Alas it’s time to go
The food and drink is finished
And the kitty’s running low
Grandad says his fond farewells
“We’ll meet again, no fear.”
No truer word was spoken
For we’ll bury him next year

6

Then we’ll go to Grandad’s funeral
It’ll be the party of the year
We’ll hire the Co-op ceilidh band
And fill the place with beer
So raise a glass to Grandad
And give him one more cheer
We’ll have another party
Same time, same place next year
We’ll have another party
Same time, same place next year

 © Robert W M Clark